Lyrics

Well he thinks he's five-eleven
But he's really five-foot-two
In his deepest darkest dreams
He'd like to be like me and you
And he'd like to go out dancing'
But his momma needs him home
So each and every weekend
He just sits around alone
And he tries so hard to please her
But it seems he never can
And some day he'll get a chance
To be a real big man

And he gets up every morning
And he straightens out his room
It really isn't crooked
It's as straight as a tomb
And he goes down to the bathroom
And combs his thinning hair
And he sees his day before him
But there's really nothing there
He has dreams he should remember
But it seems he never can
And someday he'll get a chance
To be a real big man

Someday when he gets older
Maybe someone will appear
She'll be big and tall and beautiful
With long long hair
And she'll stroke his balding forehead
And kiss him on the lips
And place his trembling fingers
On her child-bearing hips
And just like a stroke of lightning
He will finally understand
There's really nothing to this
Being a real big man